Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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