someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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