My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
