for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
