So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
