Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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