i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
