Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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