I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My penis needs a shock collar
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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