Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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