I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my shit smells like andre
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
