dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
