It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
