i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
