your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
