Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
