addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
