I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
