We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
