is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
