lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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