are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
