...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
