I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
