We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
