he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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