Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize