My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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