I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
