i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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