I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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