i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
