you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
