She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
