were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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