im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
