im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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