WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
