I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
