soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
