butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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