i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
