please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
