so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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