I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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