Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
