I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
