Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
