If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
