Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
