I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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