I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
