You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
