i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
