You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
