im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
