Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
