Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
only if we run a train.
done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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