I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
