I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
