Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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