i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
