Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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