u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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