So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
