I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
