is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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