It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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