i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
