is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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